Rumor has it that the presumptive president-elect, Senator Barack Obama, has cured the common cold. His campaign spokesman said this morning that it was too early to comment on this development, but that she was sure it was true.
Media outlets around the world are preparing their responses, however, in order not to offend Senator Obama, they are waiting for him to make his own announcement. To do otherwise would potentially steal his thunder at worst and, at best, hurt his feelings. Medical researchers who have expressed doubts are being urged to show restraint until after the November election. Most media outlets are reporting that this advise is certain to be honored.
On another presumptive president-elect Obama news front, it is also rumored that Senator Obama will be visiting a number of homeless shelters throughout the nation and multiplying fish and loaves to feed the masses. Sources close to the senator are neither denying nor confirming these plans, although one source who asked to remain anonymous said, "This dear man can only do so much at any given time. We must be patient and temper our expectations. Please allow the next leader of the free world some time and space to finish his research on time travel before demanding a solution to homelessness...one step at a time!". One reporter close to this interview was said to be weeping openly.
Finally, on a more humorous note, the Pope has reportedly attempted to contact the Obama Campaign to request an audience. When asked about this, the presumptive president-elect smiled that all knowing, kind grin of his and said, "Please, do I look like I want another preacher around me who could potentially embarrass me?" Laughter abounded, birds sang and a rainbow appeared just over the horizon.
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